What I Never Want To Do

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do……………

This is hard for a couple of reasons.  First of all, I really try not to think about things I don’t want to happen.  I know, I sound very New Age when I say that, But I read The Secret, and that stuck with me.

The second reason this is so hard is because the thing I hope I never have to do, I already did.  I buried my child.  I didn’t think I would survive it.  I am almost positive that I wouldn’t survive if I had to do it again.

Another thing that I hope I never have to do is put my children in any type of danger.  We have a bad living situation that needs to be corrected as soon as possible.  I never want my kids to be homeless, not have enough to eat, heat to be warm.  Once I take that leap, though, it’s kind of all up to me, sink or swim.  That’s why I’m here now.  Because when I leave this time, I will not be back, no matter what.

I love the idea of not relying on anyone but myself, I really do.  I’m pretty sure that it’s natural to be worried about it, seeing as I am 42 and have never been totally on my own yet.  It’s not that I’m not up to the challenge, it’s just a matter of how big a gamble I am willing to take with my kids.  They deserve the best, and I am determined to give it to them.

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