Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for………….
I have this vision of how my life should be. I guess I have always had it.
My children always happy, never fighting with me. Me, always patient, always understanding. I handle the most difficult of situations with a smile, confidently moving briskly to the perfect solution.
My personal relationship, of course is one to be envied. It is completely equal, and nurturing. I never play those awful games that some people play. That wanting the person to be closer, until the second they ARE closer, then pushing them away. How gross! How immature. How WRONG!
I have a perfect career, where my talents are put to use, my ideas and opinions are valued, and my skills are challenged and honed daily.
Of course, eventually I have to wake up. And while I know logically that no one actually has a perfect life, mine falls so far from the mark that it is completely off the grid. And, sadly, there is no one to blame but myself. And I do. Well. And often.
So, that is what I need to forgive myself for. All of the choices I made, and decisions I allowed people to make for me, that made me who I am today. My kids fight with me all the time. My house looks like Tina Turner’s hair most days. I have no personal relationship. I have no career, I have a job, and not a very good one at that.
On good days, I tell myself that I can still change any or all of these things. I can build better relationships with my kids, establish a loving, caring personal relationship, get a better job. The question is, if I don’t do these things, can I forgive myself enough to be truly happy with the life I have?