Enough

Day 19: Someone that pesters your mind…………..

Dear Voices,

The very first time I heard about the 30 Day Letter Challenge, this was one of the letters I most wanted to write.  Before I had even decided to do the challenge, I was composing this letter in my mind, but I guess you know that, don’t you?

I would like to respectfully ask you to leave my brain now.  For years I have had to deal with your venom, your malice.  I want to point out, right here and now, that you have given it your best shot, but you haven’t broken me.  Regardless of what you think or say, I’m a survivor, I have survived you.

As far back as middle school, I can remember you telling me I wasn’t good enough.

I wasn’t a good enough friend, or student, or daughter.  I wasn’t good enough to do the things I wanted to do.  All through my school years, through college, you were there to tell me I wasn’t good enough, and sadly, I usually listened.

As an adult, you stayed with me.  I wasn’t good enough to keep a husband.  I wasn’t nearly good enough to be the mom my kids deserve.  I wasn’t a good enough housekeeper, but I was certainly not good enough to have a job outside of my home.

I have listened to you long enough.  You know what?  I am good enough.  I am good enough to have amazing friends who are always there for me, and they know that I will always be there for them.  I am a good enough daughter to have a good relationship with my mom, and to be able to relate as adults together, sometimes even friends.

My marriage did die.  Partly because of me.  I am good enough to keep going, though.  I am smart enough to learn from the mistakes I made, strong enough to make a life for my children and myself on our own, and worthy enough to find a partner for that life, who will be able to give me what I need, and what I have to offer will be enough.

I am a good enough mother to raise five of the most incredible people in the world.  I am enough for them.  They know that they can fight with me, and yell, and scream, and I will still be there for them whenever they need me.  They know that I will always do whatever I have to do to give them everything they need.  For them, that’s enough.

So, the point of this letter is to tell you that I have had enough.  Enough of you.  You are no longer welcome in my head or my life.  Every time you try to tell me why I’m not good enough, I will tell you why I am.  Because I am.  Enough.

Jenn

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