Day 3: Your Parents………..
This is part 2 of day 3 of the 30 Day Letter Challenge
Our relationship has certainly had its ups and downs, but I think we do pretty well now, for the most part. I think it’s probably for the best, that we live as far apart as we do, and see each other once a year at the most. Our personalities tend to collide when we live close enough for constant contact.
I know I have told you before, but now seems to be the perfect time to tell you again. I know I was impossible for a long time. I am so sorry, I know I put you through hell. All the times I have called you, just at a total loss about Megan, I know you don’t have any idea what to do. You had no idea what to do with me, and you had never done anything like what I did, so how could you. That’s what I think about. I was a “wayward teen,” I know the signs of pot smoking, drinking, you didn’t. You must have thought I had lost my mind.
I am sure that finding out your 19-year-old, single daughter was 5 months pregnant, exactly one week after your husband moved out completely unexpectedly was horrible. I am so grateful to you for letting me and Jessica live with you. Jessica, I know, benefited greatly by living with you for her first three years. I know she appreciates it too.
I was thinking about writing this letter, and it occurred to me that one of the biggest resentments I held on to from my childhood is that you read my diary. That makes me laugh now, seeing as I now write my most intimate thoughts and feelings in a forum where anyone who has access to the internet can read it. I do think, though, it was around that time that I started hiding my true self from everyone, even from me.
I still do hide a lot from you, and that is sad. There is a whole list of topics that I would like to talk to you about, and a whole list of things I wouldn’t like to talk to you about, but as my mom, you probably should be told. I think I try to protect you from what you will consider the ugly parts of my life. Some of them aren’t ugly, they are actually pretty beautiful, but I don’t think you would see it that way. Admittedly, you are much more open-minded now than you were while you were married to dad, so I could very well be underestimating you. I hope so.
My kids totally adore you, I hope you know that. I love that they do. They always look forward to your visit, and they can identify your perfume anywhere. I love that they will always associate the smell of Obsession perfume with you, as I do.
I am glad that we can talk with each other as equals now. That is a good thing to come from my leaving my marriage. I really feel like it brought us closer together, and I am grateful to you for that. I love you.