Very early this morning, Bob left to go to Texas to visit his mom. He hasn’t seen her for about 10 years, because she lives in Texas, and we are in Maryland, so that is a good reason for him to go in and of itself. However, she is very ill, which is another blog post I am working on still, so for now I will just say that.
The point is, until Monday, I am living in my house alone with my kids. Which is what I have wanted for so long, I can’t even remember not wanting it. Yes it’s for a bad reason, and yes it is very temporary, but I gotta tell you, when I woke up this morning, I sort of wanted to do a happy dance. I didn’t of course, out of respect for my kids, but in my head? Yeah, I was partying.
I expected to have problems with Megan as soon as her dad’s plane took off, but I was wrong, happily. The whole house has a new, relaxed atmosphere. The air is lighter, somehow. Removing Bob seems to have removed their need to pick sides, my need to be always on the defensive. I’m not saying that the same wouldn’t happen if I were to leave, I’m sure it probably would. I’m saying what in the hell am I doing to my poor kids?
Bob and I are at a standoff when it comes to the house. He promised that he would leave, and I am determined that he is not going to force me out of my home again, not after he begged me to come back the entire time I was gone. But by standing my ground, by waiting him out, am I hurting my kids? I don’t want them to feel like they have to choose sides. I want them to have a good relationship with both of us. I’m not sure if I am helping that to happen by staying here anymore though. For now, I am going to enjoy the weekend. I kind of feel like a kid whose parents left them home alone for the first time! Kinda sad, seeing as I am 42.